Giving Up

In case anyone is still following this blog I plan this to be my final post. I am officially giving up on blogging but since this is my last post I will give you an update. Since my last post we have expereinced a tremendous amount of change in our lifes.

In March we welcomed a foster baby into our home who is still with us. It would be a violation of privacy laws to post any information or pictures of foster children and this is a big part of the reason I am ending my blog. We are full time foster parents and the children in our home are such a big part of our lifes that I can't figure out an accurate post without including them. This baby is a great joy to have in our home.

In April Jared got into a teaching program in Louisianna. Me and the kids moved in with my in-laws (my in-laws were gone all but 4 weeks that Jared was gone so I didn't have a lot of people help but it did help a lot with expenses) and in May Jared moved to Louisianna to start the program. Although Jared enjoyed teaching he did not enjoy the culture/attitudes/philosophy/discrimination against white men, which he experienced both student teaching and subbing within the education sector in Louisianna. At the end of August we agreed he should quit the program and come home. He arrived home at the end of August.

My summer as a working single Mom of two kids was incredibly difficult and I have increased empathy for those single Mom's who do this all the time. I was also incredibly blessed. So many people gave our family service. It was humbling and I am so grateful. The first weekend Jared was gone the water heater broke. This was the one time Spencer was openly upset about Jared being gone. I told Spencer we had to call someone to help fix the water heater and he told me "No, Daddy will fix it." Besides this one experience, Spencer was a strong kid. He tried to help me however he could. He made sure I had a glass and siverware at dinner time. He tried to carry things in from the car for me. He was great. I had so many people call and check on me, jump in and take care of things in young womans for me, help me with my kids at church (one woman took the baby every sunday during the second and third hour of church so that I could handle my calling in young womans), let my kids come to play at their houses, babysat for me, sent me cards, fixed my water heater, helped me when my car broke down, gave me and my children blessings, and I am sure there was more. In this regards it was a summer full of miracles.

I am so glad to have Jared back home. A week and a half after he got home we moved out of my in-laws and into our own place. Things have continued to be so busy and so full of change. I have increased my work hours and am now getting up at 5am to work every weekday before the kids get up. Jared is reevaluating his career plans and trying to figure out if he still wants to be a teacher and if not then what he is going to do.

On top of this we took a second foster child into our home three weeks ago. He is three weeks younger then the other foster baby in our home and so I am counting this as my experience with twins. I am now in charge of three kids under the age of three (Spencer is almost three and the babies both recently turned one). Life is exciting and exhausting as I try to learn to manage these three beautiful children that God has entrusted to my care at this time.

I do not want to overlook Spencer in this post. He is growing so much and fills our life with many smiles and much joy. He talks a lot these days and I love it. He has also started singing songs. He is so sweet with the babies. He sings to them he plays with them sometimes and he tells me if he thinks they need something. He also potty trained this month. He loves to go swimming, he is so happy to have his Daddy home, he loves watching Bob the Builder and Clifford and Dora. I am so blessed to be his Mom.

All in all I am grateful for the challenges we have faced this year as I have grown tremendously as a person. Being a foster parent has been so much different then I anticipated. It is incredible and emotional and full of joy and love (both for the babies and their parents, I didn't expect to love their parents), and hope, and pain, and never knowing how many kids you will have in your home next month or who those kids will be or how long they will be there. It is by far the most selfless thing I have ever done and even though we started foster parenting with the goal of adopting and increasing our family, our feelings have changed. We still hope to adopt some children through foster care but we also realize that this isn't just about the foster child placed with us, it is about that child's whole family and so somehow I am coming to a place where if these parents are really prepared for their children to come home I will send them home and feel happy for their parents succeeding and grateful for the experience (although I am sure it will also rip my heart out).

Thank you to those who have read our blog. You can still find me on facebook or feel free to email me.